I am sure you have had or still have a list.
I have had a list.
All the physical characteristics you desire in the partner clearly itemized as a shopping list for the grocery.
Details on income, type of work, and even conjured up the house with the white picket fence and you sit on the swing with the children enjoy the sunny outdoors, yes a full image as well, of how life would look like with the partner you have listed.
Along the journey of our relationships, hopefully, by now, we have realized that the list is an idealistic view of life and not necessarily realistic.
So many people have held up potential partners to this list!!
How they line up and how they don’t.
Leading in some cases to the potential partner tirelessly trying to live up to the expectations of the list and eventually at some point realizing they may never fully be able to and eventually giving up and moving on!
The list, how idealistic it is for us.
It is good to know the key characteristics you want in a partner and in no way should you just settle — 5 Signs You are Settling for Someone You Like But Don’t Love. Yet as I have engaged in the journey of love, I learned that the person we eventually love may not have any of the perfectly laid characteristics as previously detailed!! Sounds familiar?
What if the person who will love you and be a true friend and a partner in your life and they don’t fit into the idealistic view of what you expected them to look like, or the career that you imagined, will you walk away or take yourself outside the confines and experience the joy of love?
Some time ago I dated for the first time, someone who didn’t fit into my idealistic list and though eventually, the relationship didn’t work out because of the long-distance dynamics, the former partner recently reached out to say hello, and even after ending the conversation, the thought crossed my mind how many times prior to this partner had my list kept me from experiencing love?
Thankfully after that relationship, I gained the wisdom to not focus on superficial characteristics or lifestyle but to put focus on the person who truly loves and accepts me as I am.
When it is all said and done, isn’t it what we want in some form or fashion?
To be accepted and loved as the true self and not a form of self not really reflective of who we are?
If you do, then you will know, or if not learn, that love may not come packaged in the form or fashion you hope.
Finding someone who truly loves you and can communicate through conflict for a better relationship, wishes you the best and supports you in your goals, and lovingly challenges you to become a better version of yourself each day is what should be the goal in finding love.
Not the job, the looks, or even the place of residence.
Research often considers the compatibility of who we may love on physical appearances and unconsciously we also do it.
We look at a couple and then determine which of the partners is outside of the league based on purely physical appearance!!
It is important to have some physical attraction. However, determining to love one based only on physical and other external characteristics can doom one to a life of unhappiness!!
Rather than predetermining who you will truly love based on physical attributes and other external attributes, it would be wise to remain open to experiencing genuine love even when not externally packaged in the way we hoped.
I thought I determined who I would love.
Yet when faced with someone who in no way fitted in my expected list, but treated me with love, unconditional acceptance, championed by personal and professional goals, along with their attentiveness to my preferred love language. I accepted this love wholeheartedly.
What about you, will you determine even before meeting someone, who you will love?
Or will you maintain openness to accept love in whoever and whatever form or fashion the partner is?
The answer to this can determine your happiness in your relationship …
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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