- I decided to be in a committed relationship with someone even though the reason they told me they wanted to be with me was in response to my articulating that one of their fundamental beliefs contradicted one of my fundamental beliefs. Fundamentally, that was foolish.
- I allowed the “family obligation” narrative to guilt me into participating in my family’s toxic shame culture while my dad was in the hospital. Instead of maintaining my distance, I engaged in an effort to console them and found myself drained and without energy to take care of my own mental health and so, naturally, crippling depression for 9 months followed.
- I started smoking cigarettes when I came to Europe in 2019. Now that I live here, and have quit, I now have to unwire my brain from thinking that when Europe and I are together we equal smoking. I crave a cigarette every day. Partially, from anxiety. Partially, from a desire to indulge. I live here now. That is not an option. They smell. They cancer. They restrict.
- I bought shitty coffee. I knew that it was shitty. I knew I wouldn’t enjoy it. AND YET I did it anyway because I wanted coffee and didn’t want to wait to go somewhere else. You get what you pay for. Always.
- I let myself believe that I’m not enough. Part of me knew that I was, if I weren’t I wouldn’t have been hired. I wouldn’t have gained a following on Medium. I wouldn’t have acquired the apartment. I wouldn’t have my beloved friends. I wouldn’t continue to have the conversations I have with people all over the world. I am enough. I often forget and when I do, I live small and scared. I am enough.
Because I am enough I am allowed to do the things I need to do to bring me the quality of life I deserve. I am allowed to say no to people who verbally abuse me, bloodline or not. I am allowed to make mistakes. I am allowed to thrive. I am allowed to learn. I am allowed to grow, I am allowed to experience the pains of that growth. I am allowed to become a better version of myself every day.
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This post was previously published on Change Becomes You.
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