I’m Noticing That My Nervous System Has Dramatically Calmed

Back in 2017, following the nightmare from which it has taken more than four years to awaken, these words came to me.

“There are times lately when I feel like I have sprung a leak and all of this emotion is pouring out, except it is invisible. Not too many see it. Because I function so well. I see clients. I write articles daily. I teach. I read with trepidation about what is going on in the world and wonder what’s next. What additional foolhardy actions and words will issue forth from the new administration? Never in my life have I witnessed such a fragile ego running the show. I know, I know, he is not the sole arbiter of what goes on in D.C., but at the moment, his choices are horrifying. Did those I know who voted for him really think he would attempt to shut down freedom of the press, freeze the work of the EPA, and cut educational programs? Are you certain that more major changes that are not positive are not in the works?

Everyone Liberal/Conservative/Democrat/Republican breathes the same air and needs drinkable water. We all have children we love. All the new jobs he has promised and all the money people think they are going to receive mean nothing if people are dying from environmental toxins.

And all of this isolationist ‘America first’ rhetoric? I am not only a U.S. citizen. I am, and you are, global citizens. What happens here in this country, affects the world.

I do my best not to be angry at those who voted for him. I know we all have our reasons for making the choices we did. So, a challenge to those who ushered him into office…keep him on his toes. Hold him accountable to be a good steward, not a dictator. Let him know that you won’t blindly and blithely follow his lead. He is an employee of the citizens, a public servant. Don’t leave it to those who you may call “libtards” or “snowflakes” to be awake and aware. You owe it to yourselves and your children to speak out too.

For the moment, I am in fleece pj’s and robe, listening to Loreena McKennit to soothe my body, mind, and spirit.”

How prophetic were my observations?  Frighteningly so. Unthinkable acts followed, culminating in the attack on the country by insurrectionists, who when interviewed claimed that they were taking marching orders from their Commander in Chief. These are but two of the comments made following their arrests.

“Douglas Sweet of Virginia said after he was arrested on Jan. 7: “Trump asked all the patriots to show up, so I did.”

Jacob Chansley, the “QAnon Shaman,” told FBI agents that “he came as a part of a group effort, with other ‘patriots’ from Arizona, at the request of the President that all ‘patriots’ come to D.C. on January 6, 2021.”

The history-making second Impeachment Trial of the former president had the world on the edge of its collective seat. My running commentary follows:

“Following the Impeachment hearing on CNN now and was deeply moved by the testimony of Congressman Jamie Raskin who returned to work the day after his family buried their son so he could vote on confirming Joe Biden as our President. He was accompanied by his daughters and son-in-law who wanted to be with him. He assured them they would be safe. They were hunkered down in the office of Congressman Steny Hoyer texting their goodbyes to loved ones on the outside. When it was all over and he was reunited with his family, he apologized and said it would be safe for them to come back to the Capitol. One of his daughters said she would not ever want to return. He cried as he spoke of the belief that at any moment, any of them could be murdered. He said they all took off their Senate and Congress pins that identified them. How could anyone in that room who heard his words, still believe that the former president should get a pass for the words he said, not only on January 6th but in the months leading up to it?
I am certain that anyone who was there holds some responsibility for what happened, ‘peaceful’ or violent. Even those who didn’t run riotous, were there to attempt to overturn a valid election and should search their conscience and make amends for their acts. This event would not have happened, had #45 not infiltrated the psyche’ of those who were there. He needs to be held accountable. They need to be held accountable.

After the election of 2016, I attended a few peaceful protests, not to overturn the election but to make our voices heard about the issues that affected our country. There was no violence. There were no arrests.

What if the insurrectionists had actually gotten ahold of VP Pence? What if these violent intruders had gotten ahold of the representatives?

The ex-pres is not the only one on trial here. The reps who are charged with defending the Constitution, are on trial too. The world is watching.”

When it had ended and all the players went home:

“It was a fait accompli, no surprise. May those who voted to acquit have a wake-up call. Chuck Schumer is giving them a tongue lashing. A weight on their conscience, indeed. I wonder what it took for those who voted to convict to step forward.”

I’m noticing that my nervous system has dramatically eased since President Biden was inaugurated. His speech patterns remind me of my father, with an ‘every man’ appeal and a hint of a regional accent, his ability to make eye contact, the heart connection he exudes, and his expressing a genuine concern for others. He doesn’t self-aggrandize. He focuses on the needs of the country. He distances himself from even talking about he-who-shall not be named referring to him as ‘the other guy’. He is one of the grownups in the room. I’m sleeping better. My worries have eased. I’m able to feel hope and bring the light into the tunnel rather than waiting for it at the other end, fearing that it might be an oncoming train.

I have been on high alert, on fight, flight, or freeze mode, wondering what fresh hell might have been unleashed while I slept. Among the many hats I wear, is that of a therapist who cares for clients who live moment to moment at times, with anxiety which I have begun to understand more viscerally in the past five years. I have been splashing about in the same trauma soup as they have.

Anticipation for the celebration of January 20th was tinged with fear of what could have occurred. Relief was mixed with joy as I watched it unfold safely. The same building that was overrun with terrorists who reminded me of swarming ants, had been symbolically power washed clean as if a new era was dawning. I prayed for the security of all involved. Happy tears flowed.

I have become addicted to watching CNN and MSNBC as the commentators blend fact with opinion. A new chapter is being written in this country that contains characters who are in it for the repair of what has been torn asunder by the former occupant of the Oval Office. I am not putting anyone on a pedestal and will indeed hold President Biden accountable for his words and actions. I don’t cringe when he speaks. I don’t fear for the safety of the planet when he talks about his plans for undoing what his predecessor had done.

After five years, my shoulders are finally relaxed and I am standing at ease.

 

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