Have recent events changed the course of your life? Maybe a job loss, a divorce, a relationship breakdown, an illness, mental health, financial crash, or something else. It feels like you were swimming along, and then someone sucked all of the water out of the pool.
Maybe you’re in your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, or even 60’s, The plans you made, are gone. The life you thought you had, gone. The security and stability you relied on, gone. The way you thought your life was going, gone.
It’s happened to some extent to each of us. Some get hit harder than others, but we can all relate to that experience of life just not going the way you saw it going.
So, what now?
- go and get therapy?
- pour another drink?
- laugh it off?
- go even harder in the gym?
- hit the online dating scene?
Or do you just crash and burn in a smouldering heap?
Maybe you have a million questions about what happened and why. Maybe you tried to stop it, overt it, re-direct it, got blindsided, or maybe you just admit you screwed up.
In these times, it’s easy to blame external circumstances. Maybe you’ve been hit in some way by the whole Covid crisis, and figure it’s all out of your control. And you’d be right to a degree. But what is in your control, in any crisis or situation, is how you respond.
Whatever the case may be, you’re here.
I know the feeling.
The bottom line is, whatever it is that you have (or haven’t) been doing, hasn’t worked particularly well so far. Or you wouldn’t be here. Simple.
Truth is, if you do have your sh!t together, feel healthy and happy, and are motoring along, you probably won’t be reading this blog. So I’m guessing if you are reading this, then you can relate, and are looking for answers, and have experienced some kind of trauma.
Life as you’ve known it, is well, basically fu#ked!
Enough is enough
They say that until you’ve experienced enough pain, you probably won’t change or seek help. So, are you there yet? Has the punch of life hit you hard enough in the face?
When you get to that place where you can say, ‘enough is enough’, you’re in a much better place. Sometimes we as men, need to hit rock bottom, before we wake up and start making the necessary changes.
From rock bottom you can start to own your sh!t, take responsibility for your life, and start the process of rebuilding. By the way, you don’t need to be at rock bottom, it’s just that sometimes that’s what it takes.
It’s not about ‘manning up’, getting tougher, or punching back harder. It’s about squaring up to yourself and no-one else. It’s about tapping into your own source, getting help where you need it, and looking at the road ahead a little differently than you’ve looked at the road behind.
Doing things differently
You might need to plug a few holes, or you might need to build a whole new ship. It’s important to be honest with yourself. Brutally honest. It’s time to do some things differently.
If you’ve never spoken to a therapist about things before, maybe it’s time.
If you’ve never faced your fears, maybe it’s time.
If you’ve never admitted your weaknesses or mistakes, maybe it’s time.
If you’ve never asked for help, maybe it’s time.
If you’ve never explored what it means to live a meaningful and purposeful life, maybe it’s time.
And if you’ve constantly blamed everyone and everything else, maybe it’s time to STOP!
Look at where you are and where you want to be.
Maybe a few things got twisted. Maybe a few things hit you where it hurts. Maybe you just have no clue where you went wrong, but ‘wrong’ it went anyway. It doesn’t matter so much ‘why’.
Looking back and analysing can help give you some answers, and maybe help you identify unhelpful patterns, but it can also keep you stuck in the paralysis of analysis.
Nobody is coming to save you
When life throws you a curve ball, or you find yourself in a place you don’t want to be, it’s also important to know that no one is coming to save you at this point. And no amount of complaining will get you out of it.
Ask yourself this question: How do I get back on track and moving forward?
This is where you need to focus your time and mental energy. There may be a lot causing you unease and concern. But if you can keep your head and wits about you, you can find yourself on solid ground, able to move again.
Don’t get a year down the track only to find yourself still here, still lost, still wondering, still stuck. Stabilize yourself, get your bearings, reach out, and start heading in the direction you want to go, before any of this ever happened.
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