Are you feeling like you can’t keep a relationship together and always end up screwing up? You aren’t alone — myself included. Though it may be hard to admit that you may sabotage your own relationship.
According to Psychology Today,
“Our emotional memory is often what triggers a deepened sense of hurt in romantic relationships, which may seem like an overreaction to others, and sometimes even to ourselves. This can make us self-sabotage a relationship that could have had the potential to grow into something wonderful.” — Psychotherapist Mercedes Coffman, MFT
However, it’s not always easy to identify our behaviors that eventually ruin the relationship that you are in. I’ve rounded up 5 signs that may help you find out whether. you are or you are not sabotaging your relationship.
Instead of letting them know that what they did hurt you, you tend to just stay in silence but slowly resent them, this happens without you realize it or not.
I remember I did this a lot in the first year of my relationship. I didn’t communicate openly about what I could and couldn’t accept. So when something bad and unexpected happens, I would do anything to avoid getting closer to my partner.
This behavior will make it hard for your partner to fix the situation and if they happen to have a lack of patience then the problem will escalate quickly and one of you eventually have to end it because it doesn’t work.
That one ex who lied to you and never admitted that he’s wrong? Yup. You still remember it all too well and even you still talk about how painful it was to your current partner.
I lost count of how many times I did this in the past. Sometimes the guy would snap and said, “it’s been 2 years for God’s sake!”. I can’t blame them though. It’s hard to deal with someone who still clings to the past too much.
But over time I also noticed that one behavior brings more harm than good to my life. There’s no point in holding on to something that has nothing to do with your present anymore.
You have this tendency to end your relationship and run away every time you have an argument. Whether it’s a big one or a small one, doesn’t matter as long as they hurt your feelings.
Having a healthy relationship requires a lot of effort from both parties. You can’t expect to have a lovey-dovey day with your partner every day.
There will be days where you don’t like them and disagree with their opinion and when you encounter those days, all you need to do is to stick around and communicate clearly.
Something that looks simple turns to be the hardest thing to do for you. “you just need to talk it all out!”, they said.
No, it’s not that easy for you.
My partner used to point this out when we just started dating. I hold back so many things because I worried too much about what would my partner think if I opened up.
As a result, our relationship didn’t progress much and there were some days where I couldn’t take it anymore and I just exploded, which of course only made things worse.
I know you want to have full control of your relationship, I do too. But we also need to realize that everything is changing all the time and temporary so there’s only so much we can do to maintain our relationship.
While your reason behind this is to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page, if you do this too much, at some point your partner will begin to resent you because you don’t give them enough space and privacy.
Nothing feels worse than the feeling of regret. Finding someone who’s right for us is hard and you clearly don’t want to ruin the relationship you have just because you aren’t aware that you have the self-sabotage issue.
It’s completely okay to admit that the problem is in us and we need to change for the better because who will save your relationship if it’s not you?